what did i do?

I tend to expect the best from people. I know perfectly well that I will not always get what I expect, because we live in a fallen world, and mankind is not innately good (no matter what some people may have told you). But just because we all have the capability of doing wrong doesn’t mean you constantly expect it from others.

On the contrary, I take an optimistic enough viewpoint (considering I’m a bit of a realist) when I’m dealing with other people, based on how people normally behave around me. I was raised among family and friends that expect you to behave, and in return, they do so, as well. In a work environment, (unless you’re at summer camp) you believe that everyone will behave in a professional manner, not acting with ill will or playing pranks on others.

Why am I bent out of shape? Well, this week being finals week on campus, I thought it would be nice to bake cookies for my co-workers and for some of the grad students. I carried a box of Mrs. Fields cookies around to all my co-workers, and then left it by the office, so they could help themselves. Another bag of cookies went with a friend, across the street, to a department where I have a handful of acquaintances. Honestly, I wasn’t looking for thanks from anyone, just satisfaction in knowing that people had enjoyed them.

Doesn’t everyone like it when they can make someone happy, or improve their day? Maybe I’m strange, but I really do enjoy that, whether it’s writing a post that will make someone laugh, or bringing them a cup of coffee or a cookie that will make their day brighter. Making someone laugh or smile makes MY day brighter.

Today, I was feeling more myself, but the after effects of my cold were getting worse. I hadn’t slept well, but I was still pretty lively at work. My nose looks like it could give Santa’s a run for his money, and I had nearly lost my voice by the end of the day. I would have thought the fact that I wasn’t feeling well was a bit obvious, just look at my face!

What happened at work today? Someone deliberately hid my lunch. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, hoping that someone had accidentally thrown my sushi away, thinking it was leftover from yesterday. Everyone knows exactly where I leave it, but still… it could have happened. Even having this happen once before didn’t make me give up hope that it was an accident.

And then I found it, hidden on a bottom shelf (I left it on a top shelf), behind something, where you could not see it unless you were searching, and moving things around.

You’re probably going to tell me I need to develop some tougher skin, because people will do things like this. Really? My skin’s pretty tough, but that doesn’t explain why someone would do something deliberately unkind to me, today.

I bake them cookies, I make them laugh, I ask about their health when they haven’t been feeling well, I’m about the best co-worker you could have. I’m not bragging, just telling the truth. If someone at work yells at me, I’ll probably cry, but I won’t yell back. I’ll clean up spills, brew a pot of coffee if you need one, and take on the students’ rush hour, alone, if you have to leave early. What’s not to like?

But you can probably attribute my hurt feelings, partially, to my not feeling well. When you’re not up to snuff, it’s a lot easier to get knocked down. And if I hadn’t found my Hawaiian roll hiding behind the Zico water, I probably would have gone on believing that someone accidentally threw it away. Instead, I wonder who was laughing to themselves, when I was asking our maintenance guy if he had seen it or moved it. When I wandered out into the sunshine, outside the cafe, and kept dropping things, because I was so bent out of shape over it.

Sure, they had other sushi combos, and I still got one that I liked. But if it had been a busy day, we might have been completely out of sushi, and I would have been not only upset about my missing lunch, but trying to find something else to eat? Do you know why I started eating sushi? Aside from finding that I liked it, I can pick it up and go, getting to enjoy my entire break, without having to stand in line. And though I might enjoy a wrap more, I get teased a lot, because I don’t want to make it myself. Why should I make it myself? I work hard, how am I any different than another customer, requesting a sandwich? I used to eat pizza, now I eat sushi, rather than be given grief about it.

Why would you try and make someone’s day worse? Especially when that person is doing their best, despite not feeling well, to have the day end on a cheerful note?

Just like when a student lied to our faces, and I was disappointed that someone would do that, I’m disappointed again. Not upset that anyone can be that way, because every human being is capable of it. I’ve always known that. But still, that someone can smile and be nice to me… and then do something deliberately unkind. Maybe you didn’t lie to my face, but your actions were a lie. And I expected better from you than that. You should expect better of yourself.

So, my optimistic side took another hit, but I won’t let it turn me into a pessimist, ok?

Thanks for hearing me out, I needed to get some of that out of my system, even if it’s not completely coherent. Blame it on the cold. Now, I’m going to go watch The Voice Australia, and cheer myself up.  : )

2 thoughts on “what did i do?

  1. I have noticed in my life a lack of Thank you’s..It’s very weird to me…When did people stop responding with thank you’s for gifts received? I don’t know… Sometimes it wants to get the best of me but I’d be depressed all of the time..lol! Praying is the best remedy… So I understand… (:

    • I’m afraid I’m a bit remiss in the thank you note area, though I do try. It’s not quite a lost art, but thankfulness can still be shown. I was thanked by a number of people, actually. It just felt like… what were those thanks worth, if they play unkind tricks on you? It could be just one person, but I think more people probably knew. In the end, the unasked thanks I received from the grad students was worth much more to me, as I know they meant it. In the other case, words are just… words, sometimes.

      I don’t like being depressed, so I was actually feeling a little bit like I shouldn’t have written this. Perhaps I was selfish to complain about something so silly or little. But I try and find something to express, something to learn from, even when there’s a complaint there. And prayer is an amazing thing, which I need to grab hold of. Thanks for your understanding.

      And THANK YOU for sticking with me, this long! It’s been a while, but you were one of my first followers! Good to hear from you!

      Love,
      Rachel

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